Families in Crisis: Grief & Loss

Grief can draw a family closer together. Sometimes, grief can pull a family apart. Grief can challenge a families beliefs, disrupt routines, and throw family life into turmoil.

Grief is a natural response to loss. When a family grieves a loss, a barrage of different emotions, reactions, and coping mechanisms will emerge, likely at different paces. Some family members will want to discuss the loss – while others will withdraw into silence. Some will want to surround themselves with loved ones while others need more alone time. Grief shows up in families in different ways – including conflict, discomfort, and frustration. Some family members will be angry, some sad, some will turn inward and some will remain emotionally numb.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but there are healthy ways to deal with the grieving process as a family.

How to Help When Your Family has Experienced a Loss:

You don’t always have to say “something”. The truth is, when someone has just experienced a loss, there is usually nothing that can be said or needs to be said that can be of comfort.
Trite reassurance do not usually help. “They’re in a better place.”, “At least they’re no longer suffering”, or “Time heals all wounds.” though well-meaning, are better left unsaid.
Saying “I know exactly how you feel” or “I understand completely” – usually makes the griever feel as if you are minimising their experience or pain.

DO

Give yourself space to grieve your way and your family members space to grieve theirs. No two people grieve exactly the same.
Talk about the person who died. Use their name. It’s okay to bring up fun memories or times the person did something you remember. Sharing those memories can help you gain access to stories others might have about the person that you’ve never heard before.
Keep photos and pictures up. You have no reason to remove photographs unless they make you uncomfortable.
Have patience. Grieving takes time and there’s no set timeline for recovery. Allow everyone in the family to move at their own pace.
Keep in touch. Call them up, seek them out, go and visit. It can really help to see a familiar face or hear a friendly voice.
Listen and let them speak.
Accept changes in the families traditions. Family roles and routines may change. The family will experiences a “new normal”.
Offer your condolences, but know there’s nothing to say that is going to make things better. You don’t have to say anything clever or inspirational or even long. Just a few words is all it takes: Say “I’m just so sorry for your loss” or something similar. Keep it simple and heartfelt.
Offer to help with errands and household tasks. Pick up some groceries, cook a meal, mow the lawn; help vacuum or walk the dog!. The simplest of chores are difficult when you’re grieving. Also, ask when you need help, too!!
Understand that the grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually, it can’t be forced or hurried and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving.
Plan ahead for anniversaries of the loss; birthdays; dates of marriage; holidays; etc. as these times might be difficult for the family as they will be reminders of the loss. Find creative ways to remember together.

DON'T

Impose your religious beliefs on others.
Assume what you are feeling is the same as what other family members are feeling.
Vanish or drop off the radar, or stop contact.
Avoid the topic or try to change the subject.
Assume everyone recovers from bereavement quickly and at the same time…they don’t!
Get tired of hearing them tell their story.

New Workshop Starting Soon!

HEAL YOUR FAMILY FROM THE AFTERMATH OF OVERDOSE OR SUICIDE

An 8-week online workshop designed to help you understand all aspects of overdose and suicide:
Physical, Cognitive and Emotional Reactions to Loss
Combating Social Isolation
Stages of Grief
Overcoming Stigma and Shame
Finding Meaning in Loss
Adjusting to the “new normal”

SPACE IS LIMITED
Call to inquire about the next scheduled workshop

818.749.5724